Ever wake up in the morning, thinking about someone you thought about before going to bed? Ever have mixed feelings that you're getting to like someone more and more each time you talk... each time you get to see her (or him)...

Ever felt like a pathetic loser because of such?

Hmm... it's like this.

I like a lot of girls. True. In spite of the fact that not a lot of girls like me. Sometimes, she could be a close friend, sometimes, just an acquaintance whose looks you just admire so much you want to draw her. Sometimes, aside from the looks, this person is also nice, kind, warm, etc, etc.

And then... you meet someone who you just had a slight teeny tiny crush on because you found her so cute and well, etc, etc. And then... you can't get her out of your head especially if she's got this smile that just... lights up the darkness inside your dark perverted heart and wisps away the demons lurking there... even if it's just temporary.

Sometimes, you wonder if I will ever meet someone you will love, and if that person will love me back. Cause, dammit, hell knows I suck when it comes to "the moves". I'm a trash-talking, foul mouthed, rude, perverted, insensitive, deviant after all.

There's no special someone in my life right now.. except maybe... her. And... dammit. It's just...

I can't help it if I do like her. I wasn't expecting this to happen. I wasn't expecting that...

Dammit.

Sometimes I just wish that I had the emotional maturity of a person my age... maybe I could find someone else to turn these feelings to...

The others are either taken, don't know me anymore, forgotten... and it seems funny because... this one person right now, I find her sweet and thoughful in a certain way...

And I just think, "I'm making this too big... I mean, she's just really friendly..."

T__T

And, what's so stupid about me is that... I know someday, I will fade away from her world, and it's just damn frustrating. She will inevitably forget about me.... lose interest in me, and in hanging out with me maybe... meet others... go thru this phase where in she'll have major crushes on campus jocks maybe...

And its fucking sad... that I think about a future I shouldn't really ponder upon...

AHAH! Fuel for my plots... must turn to comics... m

Someone kill me.

On the bright side of things...

At least years from now, I will have fond memories of her... and at least there were times when I was happy...